I was listening to  a podcast called Dear Sugars.  It's a relationship podcast.  One of the hosts is Cheryl Strayer.  The movie "Wild" was inspired from her book.  She's a beautiful writer.  Anyway, in the episode they are talking about a woman who was at a crossroads in her life and was having difficulty making a decision.  Cheryl's  response to her was to look at her blogpost.  So off I went.  I was inspired by her response to a man who was in a similar predicament.  What she wrote was in the context of whether to have more children or not.  But, as a therapist I often come across many people who are at a crossroad and ambivalent about which path to follow.  Typically we suggest doing the traditional "to be or not to be" question by creating a pros and cons list. Her advise here went a step further to talk about how to accept and let go of the road not traveled.  I cut down her post and took out the part about children and distilled it to the most inspiring that can be generalized to anyone who is at a crossroads.

The link is to the full blog.
DEAR SUGAR, THE RUMPUS ADVICE COLUMN #71: THE GHOST SHIP THAT DIDN’T CARRY US

https://therumpus.net/2011/04/dear-sugar-the-rumpus-advice-column-71-the-ghost-ship-that-didnt-carry-us/

"There’s a poem I love by Tomas Tranströmer called “The Blue House.” I think of it every time I ponder questions about the irrevocable choices we make. The poem is narrated by a man who is standing in the woods near his house. When he looks at his house from this vantage point, he observes that it’s “as if I had just died and was seeing the house from a new angle.” It’s a wonderful image—that man among the trees—and it’s an instructive one too. There is a transformative power in seeing the familiar from a new, more distant perspective. It’s in this stance that Tranströmer’s narrator is capable of seeing his life for what it is while also acknowledging the lives he might have had. “The sketches,” Tranströmer writes, “all of them, want to become real.” The poem strikes a chord in me because it’s so very sadly and joyfully and devastatingly true. Every life, Tranströmer writes, “has a sister ship,” one that follows “quite another route” than the one we ended up taking. We want it to be otherwise, but it cannot be: the people we might have been live a different, phantom life than the people we are.

[Instead of weighing what you know about your choices, make a list of... ] What don’t you know? Write down everything you don’t know about your future life—which is everything, of course—but use your imagination. What are the thoughts and images that come to mind when you picture yourself at twice the age you are now? 

Write on a big piece of paper: What is a good life? Write “good life” and list everything that you associate with a good life then rank them in order of importance. Have the most meaningful things in your life come to you as a result of ease or struggle? What scares you about sacrifice? What scares you about not sacrificing?

So there you are on the floor, your gigantic white piece of paper with things written all over it like a ship’s sail, and maybe you don’t have clarity still, maybe you don’t know what to do, but you feel something, don’t you? The sketches of your real life and your sister life are right there before you and you get to decide what to do. One is the life you’ll have, the other is the one you won’t. Switch them around in your head and see how it feels. Which affects you on a visceral level? Which won’t let you go? Which is ruled by fear? Which is ruled by desire? Which makes you want to close your eyes and jump and which makes you want to turn and run?

You will never know of the life you don’t choose. You’ll only know that whatever that sister life was, it was important and beautiful and not yours. It was the ghost ship that didn’t carry you. There’s nothing to do but salute it from the shore."

Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving

I am grateful for:
Two hands to hug my children and husband,
Two feet to stand firmly on the ground,
Two eyes to see the beauty of the world,
A mouth to taste the bounty we receive and to nourish my body,
Two ears to hear beautiful music and laughter,
The ring on my left finger to know that I am connected in love,
Two strong hips, that even though I may have pain, they continue to carry my burdens gracefully,
Two shoulders to support the ones I love and care for,
Two arms to embrace those who need soothing and comfort,
A thinking brain to navigate through daily problems and to find my way home,
Ten painted fingernails to know that I can pamper myself and honor my femininity.
For these and more, I am blessed.

Letting go of working for your boss; work for yourself and what you value.

Yesterday at church I was spending time talking to my friend Roger about many various life experiences such as knitting, giving to others and on and on....  When you can mindfully (or holy) listen to one another great wisdom can come in daily interactions.

Roger works two jobs.  He was talking about one of his jobs in which he was working under an unreasonable manager.  As many of us have experienced or are currently experiencing, this manager valued micro-management.  Under these circumstances, work, as we all know, becomes quite stressful and we lose any sense of independence and validation as adults with abilities and value.  As Roger was trying to figure out a way to cope within this constraining environment that limits growth, he said he turned to the bible and got this piece of Wisdom from Colossians 3:23-24.  In essence, this bible verse teaches us to work with all that is within our heart (with love, compassion, grace and wisdom) as God/The Divine would want us live every day.  For it is God (The Universal Source, Our Higher Spirit, The Divine) who wants us to live in love with each moment; to let go of our attachments to others', expectations, experiences, people and things.  It is in trusting and having faith that God loves us and values us, not our bosses.  The Divine will provide of peace in everyday living.

In the work that I do with my clients, I focus on living a valued life.  When we don't live according to our values we will experience anxiety, depression, dependence and discontentment.  If you are feeling dissatisfaction in your work, try to figure out simple ways in which you can, with intention, acknowledge when your work (whether it be a task, or an interaction with a coworker) is from a place of love, grace, compassion or wisdom.  Know that you are working from a place of valued intention and not from expectation of worth or outcome.  The Divine will smile upon you and your heart will be filled with love.

Namaste

Playing For Change | Peace Through Music

Music is the language of the heart that connects the world.

Playing For Change | Peace Through Music

Emotions

Emotions are energy that is in motion in our bodies. We feel them in our chest, stomach, tension in our muscles etc.  Its fun to feel the positive emotions.  When I feel love I feel the warmth in my heart.  I can feel it expanding like my cup is overflowing.  I feel this when I see the people I care about.  I want this emotion to stay around.  I feel my body buzzing when I'm excited like when I'm swinging as high as I can at the park.


Emotions that are uncomfortable are emotions I want to escape from instantly, like putting my hand on a hot stove, I pull my hand away quickly to avoid the pain.  However, just as I feel the energy of love which is telling me to keep doing what I'm doing (staying present with the ones I love), the uncomfortable emotions (anger, guilt, fear etc) are also talking to me.  Those emotions are sending messages that if I listen closely tap into my Wise Mind and guide me to living a valued life.


Rumi put it beautifully in the following poem:

The Guest House

This being human is a guest house.
Every morning a new arrival.

A joy, a depression, a meanness,
some momentary awareness comes
as an unexpected visitor.

Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they're a crowd of sorrows,
who violently sweep your house
empty of its furniture,
still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
for some new delight.

The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
meet them at the door laughing,
and invite them in.

Be grateful for whoever comes,
because each has been sent
as a guide from beyond.

 

~ Rumi ~

Listening

Holy Listening/Mindful Listenting

• Take a deep breath, ground yourself to the moment
• Set aside your own agenda
• Look into the other person's eye with warmth and receptivity
• Listen with your heart and mind
• Remain aware of the divine presence in both of you

How often to you fully, I mean really fully listen to another person?  Suspend all inner commentary (thoughts, opinions, wondering what you are going to say next) and fully listen to the other person.  The other person may be your partner, child, friend, family member, or stranger.  Intimacy is the divine connection between two people that is only experienced through holy listening.

Challenge yourself this week.  When you find yourself engaged in a conversation this week, try to follow the guidelines above.  Even when you find yourself with a difference of opinion, listen without judgment.  If we all would practice this type of mindfulness, think of how much peace we would have in this world.

reference: "Exploring the Way.  An Introduction to the Spiritual Journey."

Rilke Quote

This is a quote that I have found helpful when I am impatient and pushing myself or someone else to give me the answer NOW.

“Have patience with everything that remains unsolved in your heart. Try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books written in a foreign language. Do not now look for the answers. They cannot now be given to you because you could not live them. It is a question of experiencing everything. At present you need to live the question. Perhaps you will gradually, without even noticing it, find yourself experiencing the answer, some distant day."

Rilke, "Letters to a Young Poet”